Saturday, February 28, 2009

SciFi Channel Formula

So scanning through the cable stations last night and this afternoon, I stumbled across some SciFi channel movies. After a couple minutes of watching, I realized that this station's threshold of excellence is laughable worthlessness. And, I have come to the conclusion that every movie has the exact same infuriating formula:

A small group, heavily armed and ethnically diverse, sets out on a mission. Comprised of B-rate actors, the component characters usually include, but are not limited to, the alpha-male (with mad military and survival skills), the main woman (gorgeous and intelligent), and the angry dissenter (stubborn, rebellious, and inevitably dead). Either as a foil to the mission or as the end-game mission itself, a giant monster emerges, usually alien or reptilian (prehistoric, mythical, or exotic), which has an unceasing appetite and is impervious to most weaponry, especially bullets. The group, whittled down to a tiny nucleus (2-3 survivors) from monster attacks (with monster point of view shots), barely escapes, and within a haven of safety, the alpha-male and the main woman kiss. Roll credits.

3 comments:

Katie said...

Well, it's their own fault for canceling Farscape. And The Invisible Man. And And Stargate SG-1 (and attempting to replace it with an inferior Stargate Atlantis, Voyager to SG-1's Star Trek: TNG). And...

...and it's possible I should get out more. But you see my point.

Drew said...

It's possible that you should get out more, but as a blogger currently watching crappy SciFi movie marathons (currently on "Blood Monkey") I really don't have a leg to stand on.

Darren Staley said...

They do have Twilight Zone marathons. That is a plus.